I decided it would be fun to start a new category that I’ll add to now and then, particularly when I am having writer’s block. I have titled it, “Changes” and it will consist of random things I think have changed in my thinking and behaviors over the years. It’s my blawg, y’all, and so it has to have random weirdness from my brain! Here’s the first thing that came to mind when I thought about a change I’ve made:

I have always been a bit neurotic. I was the only child in elementary school who had read books on the Heimlich maneuver or how to do first aid on a rattlesnake bite. I had migraines that I was sure were likely from high blood pressure or a brain tumor, at the age of 7. I was positive that the world would end by some horrible catastrophe by the time I was old enough to wash my own laundry. My mother’s death really emphasized this behavior, as did her Registered Nurse career when she was alive. “Stephanie! Guess what I did today? I got to assist with a spinal tap on a 4 year old,” or “Steph, guess what!? Today I was the nurse who assisted Dr. Landers during surgery to remove a tumor in a young woman’s left breast!” “Steph, I assisted in the delivery of a baby whose mother had male and female genitalia!” (No. I’m not kidding. There is someone out there with two parts and I know all about these parts.)

I couldn’t imagine myself ever reaching the age of 32, her age when she died. Guess what? I’m almost there! Even though the high stress of spending 30 years terrified of everything should have caused a potentially life threatening heart condition or a bleeding ulcer (actually they say these aren’t stressed related now), I am still here! It’s a fucking miracle!

Motherhood changed my neurosis a bit. I don’t worry so much about dying as I do about keeping my children safe. I have to work very hard not to instill every fear I have into my children. Would you like an example?

“Austin? Are you really going to suck the helium out of that balloon!? A-hem. Umm. Nevermind. Suck the helium. It could cause a blood clot in the lungs. But not your lungs. It does lead to cancer in lab rats, but never mind that. I mean, children all over this planet suck helium. Don’t even think twice about shorting your brain of oxygen which might lead to deafness in your right ear or ulcers on your gums. Uhhh. Nevermind Austin. I love you, honey. Suck the helium. Go ahead. Have fun!”

Ok, slight exaggeration. But you get the point. I’m Crazy, y’all! What matters is that we are able to change and grow over the years, right? I went from a 4 foot tall fruity pebble to a 6 foot tall froot loop. Ha!

See, I looked a little on the looney side even then.