Hope you have a fantastic New Year. Do stay up late for me. Do watch the ball drop! Do have a glass of champagne in my stead! Nursing doesn’t allow the traditional New Years customs–alcohol and staying up all night. My tired mommy body doesn’t allow me to stay up later than 10 pm, and one beer at this point would probably make me quite sloppy. Party on, Y’all!

Next year I’m getting slobbering, silly, sloppy drunk on New Years in Las Vegas with 3 strippers and a funky Elvis impersonator. Just kidding!

Be safe, have fun, and have a VERY Happy New Year!

ughhh. ohhhhhh. my heart! it hurts!

I’ll start by sharing that Bella and Noah both slept/sleep in our bed. I’m a huge advocate for attachment parenting, so much so that I compromise my own (and Jeremy’s) comfort at times. Bella moved into her own bed when she was about 6,7 months old and has never spent a moment in our bed since then. She pretty much weaned herself from our bed. I just started putting her in her crib after she’d fall asleep and she would sleep right through until morning. Tooooo easy! The problem with co-sleeping and nursing together is that the baby gets used to not only needing nursing to fall asleep but also the comfort of mom the entire time they sleep. This isn’t convenient during naptimes because I don’t always want to nap with Noah, but he won’t stay asleep after I get him to sleep unless I stay. Means he’s grumpy all day or I’m completely consumed by his naps because this kid wants 2 or 3 2 hour naps. I love him, I love our connection and bond, I love the way we cuddle when we sleep– but there comes a time when they have to move to their own bed.

So last night was the night I decided to start weaning him to his bed. I decided I’d go in every 5 minutes to comfort him while he cried– just rub his belly, tell him he is ok, and then leave. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat until he sleeps. I knew it would be hard because his cries make me want to comfort. It’s unnatural to let him cry. Humanity would cease if it weren’t for a mother’s need to respond to her child’s cries!

It didn’t work. I put him to bed after he fell asleep in my arms nursing. He stayed asleep after I put him down, I closed the door, walked away with fingers crossed. I loaded the dryer, made a bowl of cereal (for dinner, yes), and then he started absolutely bawling. His cries were soooo intense! I put my cereal down and went to comfort him in is room for a moment. I came out, grabbed my cereal, and went straight to my bedroom where I put my fan on high so I couldn’t hear. I scarfed my cereal, stared at the clock, tried to swallow the lump in my throat. Finally 5 minutes passed. I hoped I’d open the door and he’d be asleep. Nooooo such luck, Buddy. No such luck. I went into his room, talked to him, rubbed his belly, kissed his soaking wet face. He grabbed at me and made this noise as if saying, “Please, Momma. I love you. Please, Momma! Get me!” I started bawling y’all. I cried outloud and grabbed him up. Jeremy said I ran from his room with him back to my room, cradling him as if something horrible had happened. Gawd, I’m so fucking emotional. Jeremy told me it was ok, that Noah would not remember what happened, and that I would wean him when I was really ready.

I’m not ready. It seems so crazy, something this easy being so hard. I mean, I know there are mothers in the world making choices and decisions for their children so much more significant than this! Stop making it a big deal. Just let the child cry, right?

I have a friend who made her baby sleep by himself at 12 weeks old in his crib. He is Noah’s age. She said it was “tough love” and that she needed to get sleep or she couldn’t function. She said he’d probably cry but she couldn’t hear because he was in another part of the house. It fascinates me because she tells me how he and her toddler are both in bed by 8 and she and her hubby have time together. Obviously we don’t have that in our house most nights. Noah goes to bed at 8, at 10, at 6, but it is always in my arms and it is almost always that he is held until I too go to bed.

I think 5 miscarriages made me clingy. I am ever so affectionate with these children and I REQUIRE their closeness where some parents need more seperateness.  

I feel guilty no matter what. I feel guilty for not having taught Noah to comfort himself more from the beginning, yet I feel guilty for even thinking about putting such a tiny boy in such a big, scary bed by himself.  He’s so small, but he has me wrapped around that little finger at least 300 times.

I just love the little dude. Do you see how perfectly he fits in my arms? He belongs here!

This is Nooskers just seconds after I rescued him from his crib. He nearly instantly fell asleep. I wiped his tears, held him close, and then he immediately zonked out. The comfort in mom’s arms.

… she goofed up BIG! On stage! In front of the President, Tom Hanks, AND Dolly Parton. She messed up! Nanny, nanny, NAAAAnny! 

Yep, I’m envious. Yes, I wish I had a fantastic body like hers. Yes sireee, I’m green with jealousy. I admit it! But still, y’all! She flubbed! Jessica Simpson doesn’t flub (she’s perfect, don’t ya know?)! And no, it wasn’t cute in my opinion.

That gal has never worked a day in her damn life and I know that because I saw the episode of Newlyweds where she admitted she had never washed clothes before! What does the gal know about workin’ 9 to 5!? Also, the words of the damn song aren’t that difficult, Jess! We southern girls have loved IDOLIZED Dolly since the beginning of time, way back when she was a HHH sized bra. Did you really have to embarrass us all by flubbing the words and needing a teleprompter to show you the way? And the chicken cluckin’ head thing? At least Britney can dance. The belly holding thing you did? Rehearse, girlfiend, and you won’t have a nervous stomach, or need to fidget, or need a teleprompter, or have to cluck your neck.

I suppose it makes me happy to see one of “them” mess up. But really I’m just mad that she calls herself a Southern Belle and then flubs up the southen working woman’s theme song. Come on! It’s insulting!

And Jess spends a lot of time with/around Bush. I know she’s a Republican, but I bet she’s his Marilyn Monroe. Ok, maybe not. He’s kind of an asexual kind of guy. Kennedy wasn’t, he was pretty hott. That’s just an opinion. Maybe Jess is really one of his stem cell, test tube creations so he has to follow her around like a mad scientist. Or perhaps she’s his fembot– secret sevice protector and terrorist annihilator. Yes, those jumblies are so large as to house automatic machine guns and a few grenades. There’s got to be some reason they are always in the same places. By ”they” I mean George and Jess, not her boobs. Of course the boobs are in the same places at the same times. Geesh. Get your head out of the gutter, enough about her boobs (Oh, Gosh. What kind of Google search traffic will I get now?). Anyhow, she just can’t admit their love affair because how cool would she be if she admitted going from this to that. Yeah, not very, huh?

Anyways, enough about that. Watch this if you haven’t already…

Christmas was wonderful. I wish I could rewind and replay it over and over. We woke at 6 am (that’s sleeping in late), made coffee, and then opened presents. 

The kids were adorable ripping their gifts open. The smiles afterwards are way cooler than the presents in the first place.

The fam bought me Bully, a beautiful layered necklace (that I have to return because it tangles instantly and I’m soooooooo sad about that), the Christina CD (I told you so), a tapestry from Pier 1 (awesome!), and a new pair of black boots (I needed new boots). These are awesome gifts, especially considering Jeremy and I usually don’t get one another anything.

I made a delicious ham, squash casserole, mashed taters, sweet tater casserole, rolls, grean beans, and stuffing. Yummmm!

Bella and I are both sick– her VERY much so (the whole RSV shabang– fever, flowing nose, cough, throwing up). She didn’t even really enjoy her presents. She sort of looked them over, put them down, and stared into the blue (maybe a Dimetapp drunken side effect). Noah is much better but terribly clingy and grumpy lately. TERRIBLY. Ackkk!

And, finally, some Christmas pics…

The dying tree, just before the presents were devoured:

Bella giving her new doll and stroller the “Dimetapp Stare”:

A Christmas cuddle:

Christmas smiles:

Such an awesome day indeed. Not because of the pretty boots or because of the fancy necklace. Nope. It was a wonderful day because we laughed, and cuddled, ate well, bonded, and played together. That’s what Christmas is all about. The love! I hope your Christmas was full of love too. And maybe a bit full of turkey and nog as well!