I started working out diligently for the first time in years starting on January 7th. It’s been YEARS! I used Christmas money from my dad and grandpa to buy a membership at a gym. I started off so discouraged because my stamina was so low. I had found a running plan that started “slow” and worked up gradually over a month to get me to a place where I could run a mile without stopping. It didn’t work for me though because I couldn’t even run as far as the “beginner” should be able to according to the running plan. The plan said to run the straights of a lap to start, but I honestly could barely run the first straight and definitely wasn’t ready for the next straight once I walked the curve. The treadmill I use at the gym has a lap option so that I can see where the straights and curves are. I ran 1 straight of every lap for about 3 weeks (totaling 2.5 miles). I then could run 2 straights of every other lap. Now I can run the straights of every lap (so I’m just now at the “beginner” stage of the running program). My heart rate gets a little too high, but it’s getting better. And? I’m addicted. I never thought I’d be one of those people that could get addicted to exercise, but I absolutely LOVE it. It took a month of pushing myself, making myself do this. But after a month (the beginning of February) I started to see results, and it was encouraging! Jeremy said at the beginning of February that he could already see changes in my body and I took a look at myself in the mirror and saw it too! It made me feel good, so I kept pushing. Now when I get off the treadmill, I’m red faced and sweating and it makes me feel accomplished. Someone I knew from work saw me at the gym and said, “Wow, Stephanie. You look fantastic!” For the first time in so long I thought, “Yeah, I’m working hard and it’s starting to show!” So, I got on the scale yesterday. Guess what!? I’ve lost 7 pounds! I’ve lost SEVEN pounds in about 7 weeks. I’ve got 8-10 pounds to go to get to my pre-Bella weight. What’s even better is that I’m almost more firm than I was before Bella because I’ve actually built some muscle tone.
It’s just amazing to me that I’M DOING it! The most unmotivated and lazy woman on Earth!
Why yes, that would be MY calf muscle. Yep, spinach works! So does a little exercise apparently.
I’m the dork who brings her camera to the gym…
I decided a few weeks ago to buy myself some new summer clothes from Victoria’s Secret in a size 8, because I’m determined to get back into my old size before summer. I got mostly shirts, these capris and shirt (the shirt’s a hideous color though, so it’s going back), and this. They arrived last week and, though a tiny bit snug, they already fit. Makes me feel some accomplishment. I weighed nearly 190 pounds 9 months ago! See? Pregnancy was beautiful and wonderful. But I weighed almost as much as my husband and he’s a big guy! This was the day before Noah was born:
Watermelon never tasted so good!
Today was a fantastic day! Austin’s 12th birthday is in a week, my birthday is this Sunday. So we celebrated by going skiing today.
Jeremy took the day off work, we took the little ones to their old daycare, and we hit the slopes with Austin. It was an expensive day indeed– childcare, ski equipment, lift tickets. But it was such a memorable day. This was the first time I got to go skiing with Jeremy because one of us watches the kids while the other hits the slopes. He is really advanced, and he is a snowboarder. So, it was interesting to find a pace/slope we both enjoyed. Well, actually we never did find a slope that made us both happy. He was bored silly on the low grades I was comfortable on so he suggested we take his route. It was insane! I wanted to cry! I didn’t know how to get down the steep grade and ended up taking my skis off and walking down sideways to keep from slipping! Oh and it snowed! It snowed sideways, upside down, seemingly bouncing off the ground and into my eyes. I had to wash my eye makeup off because my eyes watered so much my mascara was running down my cheeks! Finally we agreed to do the slight slopes together a few times and then he went for runs by himself with Austin (also a daredevil). I got scared on one of my runs by myself and kept looking around for mountain lions who I insisted were stalking me! I know. I have issues. I wasn’t eaten. Being alone was almost scary.
Finally I grew comfortable and the wind on my face, the silence, the amazing setting… It swallowed me. It consumed me. It was beautiful. I was alone with the trees, the snow, the fresh air. It felt like heaven. I haven’t really been alone for long in awhile. This was just a short moment, but it was so awesome.
It made me think about the beautiful and wonderfully chaotic company in my life. When I take a bath, Bella is there wiggling her fingers under the door, calling for me, missing me, trying to turn the knob so that she can join me. Most of my baths end up being shared with her because, well, she is My Girl. I cook dinner, wash clothes, and clean house with Noah in his kangaroo pouch. I spend hours talking with Austin about his day at school, girls, basketball, and video games. And even a weekend nap means sharing my bed with babies. I couldn’t imagine my life without these moments, my comfort items. My arms, and lap, and thoughts are filled with them. This is what my life is all about. This is all that matters to me.
I had my hair done last night and the entire time I was gone, I longed for my family. I sometimes entertain going back home for a long weekend, to visit with my family in North Carolina. But when I think about leaving my children and husband, even for just a few days, I feel longing. If I can’t handle the separation during a haircut, how would I do being half a country away!?
Anyways, I had my breast ultrasound yesterday. The lump hasn’t grown at all! This is the news we wanted; I’m so happy! This means that we will wait until I wean Noah and do the biopsy then (June or July). I guess I’m still worried about it, but knowing that it hasn’t grown gives me some peace. Jeremy is trying to talk me into weaning Noah now so that I can do the biopsy now. But this is hard for me. Nursing Noah is so bonding and special. I know that we would be just as close if I bottlefed, my love for him isn’t measured by how long I nurse him. The doctor thinks it’s safe to wait a few more months, as he doesn’t think the lump “looks” cancerous. So, I’m going with my heart.
And lastly… I’m several days late with my B & W photo challenge self portrait. I feel sort of goofy trying to think of self portrait ideas. I feel like I should be doing something in the photo but never have my camera with me when I get a good idea. I’ll get better about taking my camera with me and getting more creative and interesting pics. I find my children and husband more beautiful and fun to take pictures of. For now, it’s a challenge in itself for me to take a picture of me. The creativity may just take time…
Noah has been sick, Y’all. The kind of sick that makes a momma want to cry. Well forget the wanting, I HAVE cried. It’s not like the RSV sick he had in December, but it’s really close. I finally took him to the Dr. and found out it was a virus. We’re on the tail end of it. My poor, sweet lil’ man!
Thursday: Awful grumps. AWFUL! He cried all. day. long. When Jeremy got home, I begged for a break. Noah was sooooo unhappy! I thought it was teething until:
Friday: 101.7 temperature. Grumps. Crying. Crying. Oh, and did I mention crying?
Saturday: 101.7 temperature. All day. Crying. No naps. Crying.
Sunday: 101.7 temperature. Crying. No other symptoms, not even a runny nose. But crying? Check.
Monday: Fever gone. Strange rash all. over. body. Call Doctor. Can’t see us until Tuesday. Oatmeal bath. Oh, and crying. Did I mention that the whole family is crying too? Yes, even Bella. I’m not kidding! She would cry because she was so upset over his being so sad. My poor babies!
Tuesday: Rash. Grumpy baby. Doctors appointment. It’s a virus, can’t do anything to help. It’s a waiting game.
Wednesday: Feeling better. Crying spells cut in half and he took naps too. Yay!
Wednesday night: Frazzled Momma. Wine? Check. Ice cream? Check. But not at the same time, no. Ice cream and wine don’t go well together.
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Michelle got me thinking about sleep. Do you sleep well? Are you a hard sleeper, a noisy sleeper, a light sleeper? I sleep on the same side all night long; I hardly move. Jeremy stirs all night and it makes the bed squeak really loud. I give him dirty looks while he sleeps so peacefully. He snores too, which makes me really mad at him! He’s like a caveman or something! If he drinks 2 beers, he sounds like a freakin’ hurricane! I don’t know what the connection is with his nose and beer but the two are a bad combo! He also could sleep through an air raid! I lie in bed listening to the house moan, the heater kick on, the dog scratching his ear, Bella sleep talking (clear on the other side of the house), Noah stirring, and the trees outside rubbing on the siding. I lie there thinking about fire alarms and whether the batteries are fresh. I lie there imagining that if someone tried to break in, it would take me 3.2 seconds to grab my handgun and greet them. The latter is really silly but? one time? at band camp? (Ok, nevermind if you never saw American Pie). One time (last year when I was pregnant with Noah) I was sleeping soundly when someone came by and took a bat to the window over my head! No kidding! Glass everywhere, police, fingerprinting, pacing all night, plucking shards from my hair until 4 a.m., etc. They had the wrong house, obviously, because we don’t know anyone much less anyone who wouldn’t like us enough to break our windows. Stupid kids or something. Anyways, since then I have had my gun bedside. Locked and safe from children, but ready and waiting for a whacko. The world is crazy. And you can soooo totally tell that I am sleep deprived because not only do I have a long, drawn out run-on sentence going here but also? I am not using my punctuation correctly. And? I’m totally getting off track here. What was I talking about? Oh, I’m a light sleeper. Jeremy could sleep through a meteor shower. And? I’m going to bed now.
Sweet dreams, snores, sleep walking, or whatever your slumber brings you tonight! 
I’ve thought a lot this weekend over the breast lump. Read articles and stories on the internet that made me worry too much. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, you know? It’s probably better not to give this thing too much of my energy, so I’m working on that. I went to the doctor this morning (actually yesterday morning as I posted this late). He listened to my history and looked at my records on the hospital’s computer. He told me that I wasn’t a candidate for a mammogram or MRI because I’m breastfeeding. Same goes for the biopsy. He said they would probably wait on that too because a biopsy could cause infections. He also said that when a tumor is cancerous, it will have certain characteristics that show up on ultrasound– something about calcification. Anyhow, mine didn’t have whatever normally makes it look like cancer in my previous 3 ultrasounds. So that’s really good! I’m having my 4th ultrasound on Thursday. We’re going to look at both breasts because he found another lump in my other breast. He stopped and said, “Well have you noticed this one change too?” I said I wasn’t aware that I had on on that side. I told him that I just quit checking after I found the last one because my breasts give me the heebie jeebies now and I just don’t even want to look for lumps or changes. This could be good because if he did indeed feel a lump, and not the edge of the implant bag (which is what I think he felt), this means that I am prone to lumpy, fibrous breasts. I guess it would be rare for a woman to have cancerous tumors in BOTH breasts at once? Anyways, the fibrous tissue nature of my bazooms isn’t something I would know about really since I’ve had implants since I was a kid (20) pretty much and I don’t really know what my real breasts feel like. If the tumor grew, we’ll probably look at doing the biopsy despite infections (because I’m not going to quit nursing until Noah is 1). If it hasn’t grown, then we’ll wait until I wean Noah to pursue a biopsy (June, July).
Thanks so much for thinking about me. I’ll let you know how the ultrasound goes on Thursday…
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On to happier stuff… Remember this co-sleeper? Well, Noah outgrew it and now that he’s a big boy and can sleep the night in his own bed, Jeremy had to use the frame of it for something. It meant too much to just toss it, yet it wouldn’t have worked to give to someone else since he made it especially to fit our bed, which he also made. Sooo, It became this lovely new bookshelf for Noah’s room:
Can you tell he likes it?
It is sooooo awesome being married to a creative and talented husband that can make beautiful things with his hands. Noah will have this bookshelf forever!
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