Before I was a mommy…
Before I was a mommy, I had no idea how much fun it was to spend my Saturday nights going go-carting and eating greasy hotdogs…
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Before I became a mommy, my floors needed cleaning once a week. But now I find that either I’m tripping over toys or slipping on spilt juice. No, that’s no joke. I actually slipped on juice in the laundry room yesterday. I fell, all 5′10″, to the floor with a huge thud. I was cushioned a bit by the pile of clothes on the floor next to the spilt juice. Don’t cry over spilt milk. But do cry over spilled juice. Because it hurts.
I stayed on the floor for a few moments, grunting, trying to gather myself. My knee was throbbing. Bella came in (she was the culprit), and didn’t even notice that it was strange that her mommy was lying on the ground groaning.
Bella: “Mommy, miwk pwease. I want shum miwk.”
Me: “Bella, Mommy fell. Mommy needs a minute.”
Bella: “K. Four minutes.”
Me: “Ok, yes. Four minutes would be great, then I’ll get you some milk. Thanks.”
Bella, 2 seconds later: “Mommy? Miwk.”
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Before I was a mommy, I didn’t know that baby wipes can clean up ANY kind of mess. Even the string cheese and jello kind:
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Before I was a mommy, I could carry one thing at a time. I could take all day to pick the house up. I could clean the floor, then apply lipstick, then wipe the counters, then shave my legs. Now I find myself carrying 30 things under my arm, 5 things in my mouth, and sometimes a few goldfish crackers in my bra for a mid morning toddler snack. That’s multi-tasking.
Speaking of bras: Before I was a mommy, my bras matched my panties. Now I’m pretty sure all my bras look like a hampster has been chewing on the straps or nesting in the cups. I used to think men were always staring at my breasts, but now they just stare at my chest trying to figure out why I left the house with snot and dried cookies on my shirt.
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Before I was a mommy, I’m pretty sure I didn’t know what a Phillips screwdriver was, and I sure couldn’t have put this together by myself:
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Before I was a mommy, I didn’t care about flowers unless a man was giving them to me with jewelry. Now I live to nurture and love so many things– my children, my husband, my pets, and my flowers:
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Before I was a mommy, I thought about things that I now consider shallow and silly. I used to wonder how much of my check could go towards shiney things. Now I’m older and I worry less about how to get the money and more about how in the heck I’ll fit my arse into that new pair of jeans. But at least I can say they aren’t “Mom Jeans”.
Before I was a mommy, I used to listen to my music loud. Now I’m always whistling a Wiggles song. Even when the kids aren’t with me. When I was a teenager, I remember getting annoyed that my grandmothers boyfriend used to whistle all the time. When I told her how obnoxious I thought it was, she told me, “Stephanie, happy people whistle.” Damn skippy, they do. So true. If they are happy moms, they are probably whistling a Wiggles tune.
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Before I was a mommy, I couldn’t carry my purse and chew gum at the same time. Now I can change a diaper with one hand and clean the dinner table off with the other. Ok, so I’m lying. But I can clean off the dinner table with one hand and take a picture of myself with the other. Talent, y’all. That’s talent:
Posted by: stepherz | 06-16-2007 | 04:06 AM
Posted in: Just Me | Momma | Wife
Now I find myself carrying 30 things under my arm, 5 things in my mouth, and sometimes a few goldfish crackers in my bra for a mid morning toddler snack.
Wait, I do that with only one kid! You are truly a multi-tasking wonder. And, that last line had me on the floor.
Also, that picture of you just confirms my suspicion that you are just as hot without makeup as you are with it. Perhaps even hotter…
Thanks Meghan! Can you see the boogies all over my tank top in that last photo? Now THAT’S hott!
That whole post cracked me up!! You really know how to put a smile on my face Steph!
I love this post! Everyone should do a before I was a mommy post.
Don’t forget in addition to the boogies on your shirt….. spit up on your hoodie. When I first had Sam I had this red hoodie I used to wear all the time. While out, ladies would ask me if he was my first and smile knowingly when I answered ‘yes’. I could never figure out how they knew, going over every action I was doing to see what it was that I was doing wrong that outed me as a brand new mommy.
I was doing nothing wrong- there was just a huge long line of baby spew on the back of my hoodie from burping Sam that I never ever knew was there- that’s how they knew.
I’m with Stephieface- we should all do a post like this. I just might… but I’ll give ya full credit.
I absolutely loved this post!
LOL @ the milk conversation with Bella! That’s my kid too. she feels that she has to say “mimi’s mommy, mimi’s” over and over and over louder and louder until i get up and get it for her. and yes, we use wipes to clean everything too! ok, well not everything but we use wipes a lot more than just wiping little bottoms. i sing Dora and Backyardigans songs. i even sang them at work for my coworkers.
LMAO!! Too funny and Too true;)
So funny!!!!
My hubbie came home the other day and said “um is that snot on your shirt? Did you leave the house that way???” lol
The joys of being a mom…
AWESOME PoST! You ARE talented!
Damn skippy, they do… this was my favorite phrase in this one.
Before I was a mummy, I was very busy. Now I just laugh at how naive I was!
Love this post, Steph.
i love it and the way that mommy-hood changes you. i so need a better attitude…but i don’t know that i’m gonna get it until i push a baby out of my woo hoo… boo hoo.
you are a beautiful, amazing mama. i love the convo with bella! hope your arse heals up quickly. ;-D
: )
What a great post with accompanying pictures. Before I was a mommy, I don’t think I had even touched a baby wipe!!!
Thanks for commenting on my page & letting me know you had a page! Nice post
I actually fell 2 days ago- while holding Jackson & of course let me 5′10 frame come crashing down w/out any way to stop myself (on our hardwood floor). So now I have the bruises on my mama hip to prove it (and right shoulder). But, Jackson only suffered a sore tongue from biting it in the impact. Aahhhh the things we do for our kiddos. At least you could explain to Bella that you still needed a minute.
Love this post! You depict motherhood with much amusement!
That was great! I am not a mommy but I am nurturing, but I still get all freaked when my clothes get stuff on them and my sis just laughs. She stays covered in baby stains!
And the loud music went when I hit 40. Almost like magic. My ears couldn’t take it anymore, I was truly old, lol.
I love that last picture, you look great and I like the back room showing!
[…] June 18th, 2007 at 9:11 am (General WhatsIt) Over at Stepherz, she posted up about before she was a mommy…. I loved her post and decided to do one as well. If you are a mommy, go ahead and post one up too! […]