So today I received a package from our very special friends full of Christmas presents. As soon as I open the package, I was pleasantly surprised by a package of country ham! I started digging through the tissue paper and packing peanuts so quickly that I almost didn’t notice the little guest that had jumped in the box for a ride to CO.
In CO we worry about mice because of the Hanta Virus. But this little guy was obviously a sweet country mouse from NC and had always wanted to see the Rocky Mountains.
I’m sorry you didn’t quite make it here, my little friend…
Thanks to my little buddy, I have decided it’s probably not a good idea to box myself up and ship myself to NC for a visit.
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Anybody in the mood for some country ham now? No? Ummm. Me either. Maybe tomorrow.
Bella turned 3 years old yesterday. My sweet, beautiful little princess. She had a wonderful birthday! We celebrated with friends and threw a fantastic party at the tumbling time gym.
As we ate cake and ice cream in the chaos of a room full of toddlers, I looked over at the clock. It was 1:40 pm. I looked at my sweet girl and gave her a little wink. She winked back because she thought it was funny. I winked because it made my heart smile to think that I was giving my last few pushes at 1:40 pm, three years earlier, about to bring the most wonderful, unique, and special relationship into my life. I will spend my entire life being so unbelievably grateful for being so blessed– to be given such an amazing, healthy, silly, spunky, sassy daughter! This relationship is a wonderful gift to me and she adds to my life every moment of every day. I am convinced through these relationships with my children that no one will ever love you in your lifetime as much as your momma did/does…
We had a wonderful time at her party. Bella wore the most beautiful and excited smile all day. The party couldn’t have gone more smoothly, it was awesome.
Happy 3rd Birthday, Princess. We love you!
Southern Magnolia Bloom
If you’ve been around long enough to get to know me a teensy bit, you probably know how homesick I am. I dream about home, think about it a good deal of the day, and my memories are all so fond.
When I left NC, I wanted to go. I wanted a new beginning and a fresh slate. From what? I don’t really know. I think I needed to explore my world a little bit, and moving to Colorado filled that for me. I was twenty-four. I had no worries. I thought I could always come back home if I didn’t love it.
Understand that I do love Colorado. I love the fresh air, the way people stay to themselves, the way people seem closer to the Earth. There are animals everywhere. I had deer running down my paved street the other day because, probably, they remember that this was an open space not very long ago. A subdivision took that field over. Then a town. Soon a city. It is quiet here. There are no sirens at night. You can see sky for as far as your eyes will allow you.
It’s highly probable that you will never encounter a thief in your stay in Littletown, CO, if you ever visited. The worst crime done here is that it is a ski town and the lower class just can’t make it. The real estate market is not nearly as high as LA or other places in CA, but they are painful and most people can never afford a mortgage here.
Beautiful angel statue in a Charelston cemetary.
But I do think about home all the time. I’m sorry that my grandparents/parent are growing older and I can’t be there to finally build a bond with them that I wasn’t interested in 8 years ago when I left. And the thought of it being too late bothers me. Jeremy doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understad why I didn’t care until the last couple of years. And in some ways, I think that change in me burdens him. Mostly because he wants me to be happy and feels guilty for keeping me in a place that I don’t feel the same connection to.
I know I’ll never go back. I can’t. The other day Jeremy said, completely out of the blue, “I think I wouldn’t mind living in Wilmington.” I know he said that for me though, and not for him. No part of me is capable of intentional selfishness and I consider moving back to be just that. Our family is happy here. I know Jeremy never loved the South. Colorado is his home. I would NEVER wish for him to miss here like I miss there.
Charleston Carriage Horse. One of my favorite childhood memories is getting to watch one of the momma carriage horses giving birth to her baby. So magical!
I fill my world with little things that fill that space for me. I order boiled peanuts and country ham online. I fill Mason jars up with lots of ice and the sweetest ice tea I can brew. I use the words I lost, like “y’all” and “yonder,” as often as possible because I smile at myself when those words fall from my lips. I think of my family. I imagine what it would be like to have my children growing up with my cousin’s children. I drop e-mails to all of my old friends once in awhile because I won’t be able to run into them in the store or while pumping gas.
And that’s all alright because sometimes we make sacrifices and sometimes we have to make the best of things. Really, I have so much to be grateful for. How many people in this world can say they are homesick? A heck of a lot. And that’s my worst ailment; dang I’m lucky! So many of us miss that place “over yonder”. But home is where we settle roots. Home is where the loves of our life are.
I recently covered my room in pictures of the South, things that remind me of home, places that are special to me. I used Etsy to find photographers who had captured the essence of the things I’m trying to hold onto. It’s the little things that comfort…
Sullivan’s Island Lighthouse (left) and Gullah Basket Weavers
Those two above are my favorites. The lighthouse is a block from where I lived on the beach as a youngster, and the basket weaver reminds me of my gullah nanny growing up. My mom took me to the market place in Charleston all the time, and I loved watching the weavers; they were beautiful.
I’ve not been blogging much. I’ve sort of just been feeling the cruds lately. Between the miscarriage a few weeks ago and losing my dog, Pete, last week, I just haven’t been feeling very gung ho about even looking at my blog.
We bought Petey in our first few months together as a couple, Jeremy and I. We’ve got a lot of history with him. It seems weird for him not to be here anymore. We bought him from the pound nearly 11 years ago. He was the handsomest of his 4 brothers, and the sweetest– so we knew he was the one to take home with us. He was 8 weeks old when he joined our family– sweet and so tiny. For a $40 neuter fee, we took home 11 years of love!
Pete had been acting withdrawn for a few weeks, and made wimpers once in awhile. I figured he was getting old, he had arthritis and a funky hip. I figured his wimpers were just part of that. I wasn’t worried too much, because he definitely didn’t seem like he was going to leave us. I laid on the kitchen floor a few days before he died and told him that we loved him too much for him to grow old. I told him to be tough and stay with us for a long, long time.
I’m pretty sure he passed away peacefully in his sleep as I am a light sleeper and I didn’t hear a pin drop that night. His sisters, Sierra and Penny, are missing him terribly. But they were with him cuddling the next morning when we found him, so I’m sure he felt surrounded by love when he passed.
We called him “Stinky Pete” but he honestly is the cleanest animal I’ve ever known. He house trained instantly and was never a chewer or a barker or anything. He had eyes that made me feel like he was an old soul, and old friend from another place or time. I can’t be sure what I mean by that, but if you ever loved a critter as much as we loved Pete, maybe you can understand that a little bit.
Pete with his best friend, Zoe.
We woke up on New Years morning and found out Pete had passed away. We spent the day really mourning him, telling stories about him, and remembering him. We took him the next day to be creamated. We will sprinkle his ashes somewhere in the mountains, where he loved to be.
Anyways, I’m just a bit distracted right now by life and such, I’m sure you understand. But I’ll be back soon. Hope you all are well!
