If you can’t laugh with them…

….Laugh at them. “Them” being those celebrities we love to both hate and mimic at the same time.

Trying to get some movement on Momma Magpie, so I thought I’d mention that I have another blog again. I think you should go and laugh at those pics of Victoria and JLo at Fashion Week, at least. Those girls are crazy cool. JLo is so far from the block she’s got diamond encrusted boogies and Victoria is so uber superficial that she gives her nanny a raise every time her kid’s need their boogies wiped. I love hating them. I want a fargin nanny to wipe boogies too. What?! Have you seen the size of Noosker’s boogies!?

In other news, I went to the doctor this week for a big fat shot of Depo Provera. You see, I’m not really in a hurry to go under the knife again this year (2 d&c surgeries in 3 months is enough, thank you) for that tubal I mentioned. I’m thinking it’s Jeremy’s turn to contribute to the “fertility fund,” or the “lack of fertility fund”. Homeboy is getting his parts fixed, not I. Woooooo Hoooooo! SwollenInfertileNutsAlaMode! He’d probably make me sleep on the couch if he knew I was celebrating swollen nuts.

But besides the whole Depo/swollen nuts thing, I did get on a scale at the doc’s office. Turns out my scale is off by a few pounds and I’m not really 137. Oh, no. I’m 133!!!  I even managed to squeeze some Lucky jeans on that I haven’t worn since, oh, 2002. They were tight, tight. Too tight to wear in public, too tight to wear and still walk, too tight to wear and still exist. But, they went over the ol’ birthing hips none the less. Progress is being made. I will NEVER wear a bikini again (I have a Frankenbelly– stretch marks, appendicitis, laporoscopy scars), but I’d be happy to wear those cute Luckies again. It’s all about illusions, y’all. I might never have the body of a 26 year old neked. But I could appear that way in clothes. And I’m alright with that, I reckon. Especially since my old man seems to like me neked, Frankenbelly or not, enough to knock me up 3 times in 7 months. I know people who only get their groove on 3 times IN A YEAR, much less get pregnant that many times. Ohhhh, the 30’s do something wonderful for the sex life, don’t they?

And lastly, I’m leaving for an Island off of Tampa in 10 days. Did you hear that? TEN days? Island? Sun? Beaches? A granny bathingsuit with sand in the crotch? Oh, yea. I’m going to be living the good life!

Posted by: stepherz | 09-13-2008 | 03:09 AM
Posted in: Just Me | Wife