Man, my kids are beautiful! I mean, they are exceptionally gorgeous, if I do say so myself. I took this amazing picture of the kids the other night (Austin isn’t in it, unfortch, since he was in Illinois with his dad).
If you haven’t friended me on Facebook, do. Then you can see all the pics I take. I miss blogging but I can’t put pics on here anymore…
In other news:
Bells is all set for Kindergarten! I’m sending her to an awesome school sharing program where she will go to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays to learn the Arts and hang out with other homeschooled kids. The rest of the week I will do online curriculum with her. Then we’ll do some unschooling, using the world around us to learn. We’ll do swim lessons, nature walks, libraries, gymnastic classes, ballet, and the Children’s Museum to fill in the cracks. We’re going to have lots of fun!
Bells lost her first tooth! Go Bell! She’s my Best Friend. She’s soooo much like me, but better. She has this unbelievable goodness about her. I’m so glad I have her.
Noah is having his 4th birthday next week! Man, where did the time go? Four years ago I gave birth to this teensy 4 pound little sweetie. He had such determination and spunk. Nothing has changed, he’s a little fireball still. He’s a dollbaby. He’s funny and spirited and spunkalicious. He’s so much fun! We’re going to have a great Froggy birthday party for the Noosker Man!
Caleb is a mover and groover. And Oh.My.Goodness, he’s beautiful. Our “Final Masterpiece.” He’s such a sweet, easy going guy. He’s a real Love Bug. He is so much like Jeremy, and looks so much like him too. Maybe it’s in the stars, being that he was born one day after Jeremy’s birthday. Caleb is the icing on the cake. He’s his momma’s boy!
Austin is driving! He got his permit a few months ago and is such a good driver. I like being able to send him to the store for things. He’s doing great in school and going into 10th grade. Isn’t that crazy? Wow. He’s so fargin funny, so much help, just a real good guy. He’s going to/does make me so proud.
Randoms:
My sister is having a baby, any minute now! His name will be Dominic Xavier. My grandma is going to have to sell her home, that she’s lived in since the 50’s and raised 2 generations of girls in. She can’t afford the payments or the upkeep of a big home. Very sad…
My cousin (mom’s sister’s daughter) and her family were here in May and we had SUCH an amazing time. I am so grateful to have them in our life. We are proud owners of a Memory Foam Bed, finally. I am sewing for money, and dangit I’ve gotten GOOD at it! Caleb is wearing cloth diapers now, fashioned by Momma, no less.
Hmmm, what else is going on? Lots, but this post is long enough for now. I’m going to post a couple of my favorite recipes with pics soon, so stay tuned.
I read this blog tonight. The writer is a local acquintance and I found her blog when she sent me an email telling me about her upcoming playgroup schedule. Man. I read and read and read. She is a fantastic writer (she writes for the newspaper). And I found myself facinated by someone I’ve never had any interest at all in. I mean, she’s super nice. But I never thought I’d spend my evening wrapping myself around her words and stories. And I feel a little bit inferior.
She’s probably closer to 40. Around here there are a lot of the wholesome hippy types, and she’s definitely one of those. So I know that we’re birds of a different feather. I mean, I don’t think I would be interested in listening to her stories about homeopathic remedies and butchering elk. And I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be very interested in my stories about my new hair extensions and how those new acrylic nails I got put on popped off in 24 hours. But though she’s different (or I am), I think she seems like a really neat person.
She’s obviously a really awesome momma. Sometimes I envy moms like that. The one’s who don’t worry about house chores and play with their kids all day. The mommas who take their kids for walks on the Colorado trails, leaving their cell phones in their car, and walk miles and miles with their infants strapped to them and their preschoolers jutting on and off the trail. The mommas who talk calmely and lovingly to their children who listen contently. Their children are mild mannered because they are mild mannered mothers. And then there’s me… … …
I love and adore my babies, obviously. Hello!? How could I not? They are the most fantastic kids on Earth. But I’m not wholesome. I try… you know… I’ve got chickens, and I cook healthy, and I grow a garden, and I make soap, and I sew, and I bake bread… But I’m no Molly McButter. I’m not the Mom of the Year. I holler. I get frustrated. I spend too much time cleaning or doodling online or reading a book when I should be on the floor building forts or playing dolls or coloring. I would never just head for a Colorado trail by myself in the snow with my kids just to sit and eat a peanut butter sandwich at the top of a mountain. There are mountain lions and mean men and, well, it’s cold and I don’t like snow. Darnit. I like watching Spongebob and Dora and taking my kids to McDonalds for a hormone and grease smothered lump of cow flesh. I’m not very good at playing sometimes. I sit down to paint with the kids and my eyes start roaming… to the breakfast dishes, to the syrup all over the kids faces, to the mud by the entryway, to the mess around the woodstove. And I can’t help it… I want to clean and fold clothes and check my email and thaw some chicken for dinner.
But I love them soooo soooo soooo much.
I do want a break from them sometimes. I’m not playful enough. I don’t always nurture their little imaginations. Sometimes my patience is lacking. But I’m completely and totally head over heels. How do I forgive myself for not being the wholesome hippy momma? When I look back, will I have regrets? Did I give them enough memories? Should I have taken them for that adventure on a Colorado trail?
As I’m typing this, Caleb is lying in my lap, sound asleep. He is always in my arms and it frustrates everyone in the family just a little bit. But I held all of my babies constantly. I wouldn’t have done it different. It’s so bonding. It’s not Caleb’s fault he’s the 4th kid and mommy has soooo much to do. He just wants love. If I put him down, he pitches a fit. I love his attachment to me. Right now he’s sound asleep but his eyes are cracked just a sliver and he’s peeking at me through those slits. Occassionally he smiles or giggles in his sleep, especially when I smile at him as he sleeps. And I know he’s dreaming about me… he can’t even keep his eyes off of me, even in his sleep. It’s little things like that that move me and help me understand that, no, I’m not a wholesome hippy mommy. I’m just me. I love them and they have to know that. There’s no way I could feel this much fullness in my heart and them not feel it too. And part of being a good mommy is seeing my flaws and trying always to be better. It’s good to watch other moms and get a reality check. It’s good to feel inferior sometimes. It’s good to feel guilt. If you use it. Use it to be better. Even as adults we can’t be stagnant. We have to see our flaws and where we’re lacking. It would be selfish to quit growing and trying…
New Years Resolution: Leave my comfort zone and take my kids fishing this summer. Eat at least one peanut butter sandwich on the end of a trail over looking the Colorado skies. Color more pictures. Use that fancy Nikon camera more to take pictures of their syrupy faces and boogery noses. Tell more stores. Build more forts…
Let’s do this, kids. Let’s make 2010 the best year we’ve had together yet!
I am having so much fun, y’all. I am. Life has this ebb and flow thing. Even when things are kind of tough– financially, child rearing wise, or whatever, life is still good to us. I’m so grateful for so many things– healthy babies, a beautiful home, being able to pay the bills, being able to feed our family… Someone has smiled upon us, not a moment goes by that I don’t know that.
Noah was having some behavioral stuff for the past couple of years. I never talked about it here because it’s one of those snooze topics. But there have been several points in my mothering of him that I’ve thought he was ADHD in a severe way. He is a BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING little person. But he’s given us a run forour money, for sure. I’m pleased though that over the last 3 months, Noah has done some changing. He really really has. It’s like night and day. His doctor told me she thought he was an “immature 3-year-old” and that really kind of summed it up for me. She was right. It sounds weird, how can a 3 year old be immature? Or how could he not be immatureat 3 years old. But what she was saying is that he’s just immature for the social level of a 3 year old. I’m so grateful that he’s starting to catch up. He’s a fun little guy!
Bella is amazing. She’s just amazing. She is the apple of my eye. She’s a chatty little thing, she’s got my kind of humor. And man, she’s so mature and smart and bright. She’s only got a few more months at home with me before she heads off to Kindergarten. Ohhh it breaks my heart. I’m going to miss her with my whole heart and soul. It’s bittersweet, you know?
Austin is my buddy. We’ve been hanging out A LOT lately and I love it. He’s just so fargin’ funny, I can’t stand it. He makes me roll. I adore him. He’s an amazing friend and such a good kid. He makes me so proud.
Caleb is growing something fierce! He’s eating some solids now and loves it. He’s in the 70th percentile for his age– almost 5 months. I’m proud to look at his rolls and fluff and, for the first time, know that my body solely fed this healthy sweet fellow. He’s my first baby that actually was a good nurser, once he got it figured out. I’m grateful for that because he is my last baby, I love the nursing bond, and it burns mad calories to boot. He’s a momma’s boy, he is such a lovable & happy baby, and he looks soooooooo much like Jeremy. It’s like having a pocket sized Jeremy– only fluffier and squishy and a little cuter. 
Jeremy is so amazing. What a man! He’s such a loving husband, so thoughtful and intuitive. I’m madly in love. Still. Always have been. I look at him and swoon. He had his cholesterol checked a few weeks ago and his levels came back high. So, we’ve been working together to get it down. It’s good for us because we’re making lifestyle changes and it trickles down to our kids. We’re all eating really well. And I can’t stand the thought of feeding him things that hurt his heart. It’s weird, I thought I could love him more through the foods I made. I never thought that all of my baked goodies and cheese dripping casseroles were hurting him. Now I’m having to come up with new ways to show love– not by making his favorite cookies but by making him eat his oatmeal every morning (he calls it “cruel gruel”). I love his heart. Gotta take care of him so I can still swoon over him for another 40+ years…
And Stepherz? Well, I’m losing weight. I’ve lost 14 pounds over the last month by eating healthy. I have 10 more to go to get back into my teeny jeans. I’m at 145 right now and feeling great. I just cut back on the bad stuff and I mean NO bad stuff– no more cheese, no cakes, minimal bread, no potatoes, only brown rice, no cereal, no sugar, fat free everything, and lots of lean meats and veggies. My biggest weakness was cereal before bed and now I eat nothing after 7 pm. I have a big, hot, delicious cup of English tea if I feel a little hungry at night. I eat oatmeal for breakfast too (although unlike Jeremy, I love it). I feel fantastic!I’m getting STOKED about my trip to NC. I’m sooooo soooo excited. I’m falling off the diet bandwagon for that week, I’m sure. But that’s alright. And lastly, I’m starting a modeling school in April. I’m so excited and preoccupied with it. I lie in bed at night thinking about advertisement pitches, slogans, the materials I need, how big to make my classes, where to hold the classes, finding a good photographer, writing the handbook and curriculum, doing the paperwork to get my certificate… It’s all coming together though, I’m almost done with my business plan and curriculum, and I’m finally losing enough weight to put my heels back on and practice my runway. SOOOO exciting! The truth is that I’ve dreamed of doing this for years. I never talked about it. Then the economy got so bad that I got discouraged, figured I’d be too old to do it by the time people have money to spend again. But then Jeremy, out of the blue, said “Steph, you could start your own modeling school and really make it successful.” My dream sprouted wings when he said that! It may have hiccups because of the economy, but I’m up for the challenge. I have the experience (long story there), LOVED working with teen aged girls when I previously Instructed, LOVE fashion. It’s perfect. I could wait until the economy gets better. But sometimes you have to grab it by the balls and make it happen.
Soooo, I have so much going on, so much positive energy, sooooo much to look forward to. Things in 2010 are looking good. I’m happy, I’m loved, I have this extraordinary family that puts wind in my sails. I have healed relationships with family, I have confidence, I have support. It’s good. It’s alllllll good.
… celebrates her 5th birthday today. Much love to you, Sweet Bella. Happy 5th birthday!
