Being a parent is hard, man.
Austin has always been a really easy kid. He was always very compliant and sweet, he never gave me a run for my money. Never mouthy, always did what I asked, never defiant in any way. I have always been grateful for that. He’s my sweet boy. And we are pretty tight. I like talking to him. He’s my friend. Which is why it was particularly hard for me when there was “talk” about him living with his dad. I like my kid and I’ve worked hard. It’s no coincidence that he’s awesome. We had a little to do with that. I’m not in a hurry for him to leave me just yet. I want to enjoy my hard work for a few more years. 
When he got back from his dad’s this summer, I felt like he and I had missed out on some communication somewhere. I had thought we were open and communicative with one another. I suddenly felt like, despite my connection with him, that he had perhaps been missing out on something.
So I literally scratched through drawers and piggy banks and I even sold some things on eBay so that I could come up with a down payment for his braces. I wanted to be able to come up with that money without setting our family back. His dad probably thinks that his child support should cover it. But the child support is accounted for. It’s used, every dime of it. There’s not a cent left over from it every month to “save” or to put towards braces. But I did it, I made it work. Now he’s got the braces.
But then I thought, shoot, maybe he hates his little po-dunk school. Maybe if I could get him into that fancy school in a nearby “city”, then he would be happier, have more friends, have more opportunity. So I did back flips and jumped through a few hoops and got him into that school. It would work out fine because Jeremy worked in that “city” anyways and he could take Austin to school and bring him home. No problemo. I got Austin a gym membership so he’d have something to do after school until Jeremy got there to pick him up.
I told Austin when he started there that the ONLY string was that he had to keep doing well in school. I didn’t want to see C’s on that report card. And the kid is an A student, so I knew he’d do fine…
What I didn’t think about was sports. And I should have because Austin does play sports and I LOVE that he does. I guess I figured that he would be out of practice around the time Jeremy got out of work. Well, things didn’t go that way. Jeremy would get off of work at 4:30 and Austin would get out of practice at 7:00. So, half the time Jeremy would shoot the shit for 2.5 hours and half the time he would come home and I would go to get Austin at 7. But Caleb didn’t do well being left with Jeremy (momma has the boob, you see) at home, and yet he really didn’t do well for the 45 minute drive into “city” and then 45 minute drive back home (lots of crying. lots.). Not to mention the roads are dark, there are deer, and much of the time the roads have snow and ice on them too. I don’t mind driving in these situations, but I don’t exactly like having the baby out in it. Often there is no cell coverage and, well, hit a deer on a Colorado highway at night and not be able to call for help. No. No, no, no. Not good for a woman and her infant.
Ok, so we were starting to regret that we had moved Austin to the new school. But at the same time we didn’t. He could get scouted by colleges, he could join extracurricular clubs, he could have opportunities that this little town can’t offer. We made the right choice! Right? Well, tell that to Jeremy after he worked all day and has to sit in the car for 2.5 hours in a school parking lot waiting for practice to be over. He wanted to come home and soak his tired bones in the bath, to have dinner at a decent hour, to play with the little ones…
And. AND? There was the games. Forget the practices. When they had Away games, they were FAR away. That’s what happens in small towns. The kids have to travel HOURS to get to other schools to play. So he was getting back from the games (obviously we didn’t take the babies to the away games) at midnight. Jeremy would wake up at 11, sometimes on weekdays, and drive to the school to pick Austin up and take him home. Then they would get home at 1 in the morning or so, and have to wake up the next morning at 5 to get ready for school/work.
I asked Austin every day if he had homework. “No.” “Not tonight.” “Oh, no. Teacher is out sick.” “I did it during study hall.” Or whatever. There was always an excuse for him never bringing school books home. I asked him constantly if he was keeping his grades at A’s and B’s and he insisted he was. I was a little concerned. But I trusted him. He knew where I stood. He knew I didn’t mess around. He knew if he wanted to play sports he had to be able to make good grades FIRST. And he’s in high school now! I can’t babysit him!
Then he started doing weird things like going over to friend’s houses without asking. I don’t like that. I don’t know the kid, I don’t know his parents, I don’t know where he lives, and I don’t even know he’s there until after he’s already taken it upon himself to go without asking? No. I don’t like secrets and I don’t like it when he’s vague.
Finally, it was time for the report card to come. It never did. So I asked him about it and he said he didn’t know when they would come. And I never saw him study during finals week! And he had partial days on Finals week with no practice, but he didn’t tell me that he’d be getting out of school early or not having practice. No. He let Jeremy sit around in town, or let me drive in 45 minutes with a crying newborn in the dark so that he could roam around and hang out and bullshit with his friends. SOOOO unfair. The deception and selfishness of that FLOORED ME!
But then I finally got the report card. Guess what? Two C’s and FOUR D’s! No A’s. No B’s. And the D’s he had were ONE.FLIPPIN.POINT from being F’s! What the hell!?
My heart broke. It did. I was so hurt. I was hurt because he selfishly let me drive with that baby for 1 hour 30 minutes, that Jeremy sat in his truck for hours, because WE HAD A DEAL, y’all! And it all would have been worth it, truly, if he had held his end of the bargain. We would have made it work. We would have kept toughing it out for another year, and he would be old enough to drive, and then we wouldn’t have this RAT RACE so that he could go to a good school and play sports for a good school.
He KNEW he wasn’t keeping his grades up. He KNEW we would have helped him. But he decieved us for months and months. And I’m the sucker.
The truth was that I was trying to make up for something with him by sending him to that school. I wanted to make him happy. And in turn, our whole family paid for it, namely Jeremy. If he went to school here, he would WALK home from practice. I’d see his teachers at the grocery store and they would be able to tell me he had missed some assignments. I would have been able to participate. At the “city” school, I couldn’t even get through to anyone by phone. No one returned calls. There was no comraderie between parents and teachers. There was just voicemail.
Soooo, we pulled him out of that school and put him back in the local school. He isn’t going to be able to play sports until his grades are back up. He’s got to come home and read a book of my choice instead of watching television or playing video games.
Being a parent is so hard. I mean, this was ALL my mistake. My mistake for thinking he was mature enough to handle that freedom and trust. My mistake. I love him sooooo soooo much. But let’s face it. It’s not likely or probable that he’s going to get seen by some big college and get a full scholarship for his athletic abilities. It’s more likely and more probable that he’s going to get scholarships for his grades and his smarts. And since we aren’t rich people, we can’t afford to pay his way through a fancy university, he has to EARN it. No one cared about my grades as a kid. No one helped me, encouraged me, disciplined me, gave me consequences. That’s why I didn’t go to college until I was 25 and when I did, I didn’t get scholarships or assistance! I’m still paying on my loans! So he probably doesn’t know it just yet… But we love him and we want good things for him. We make mistakes. Oh, yes. We do. But the big picture is that we want more for him than we had. And we made enough mistakes when we were young that we know where he’s making his before he makes them.
Ok, had to get that off my chest. He’s back in his old school and he’s doing well. He gets home from school, does his homework, then his chores, then he reads. It’s not as exciting or fun, I’m sure. But he’s adjusting well. And his old friends, teachers, and coaches missed him so much!
You’re college bound, young man. We’re back on track.
Posted by: stepherz | 01-12-2010 | 04:01 AM
Posted in: Momma | Comments (2)
